Ms. Manners?

What do you do when you're not talking to someone, but they don't know this 'cause you're afraid to tell them that you think they're weird and scary, and their birthday is coming up? What is the protocol for this situation? Is there a specific thing you should do? Like-- oh, I don't know-- maybe tell them "I think you're icky and creepy and I really have been hiding from you, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"? Or do I send a passive-aggressive mean, yet funny, e-card? Do I pretend it's not happening and keep avoiding this person, while pretending that I'm not really avoiding them? What does Emily Post have to say on this subject? Probably that I'm a big ol' wuss and I should just tell so-and-so that I don't want to be their friend anymore. But it's like kicking a puppy.. He's so pathetic and sad and he's already driven off a few other people already. Shocker that, huh? I put more work into avoiding him, but seeming like I'm not really doing so, than I put into the friendship in the first place, I think.

I'm a sad, awful person.

So, e-card?